Movie Theaters and Films: Quality vs. Quantity

I’m either bitter, old, both or neither when it comes to the movie theater. Ten years ago I loved going to the movies. This was the era of The Bourne Identity, Spider-man, Star Wars, and Harry Potter. Every Friday night, we would pile into the car and go to dinner and then to the movies to see whatever came out that weekend. Sometimes we would go back on Saturday as well if there were two movies we just had to see.

Now you literally have to drag me to the theater.

I just lost interest in to going to the theater. I don’t know if my attention span has shortened after so many levels of Angry Birds, AADD or my Agoraphobia. But I can’t be bothered to go to the movies with the extreme exception of something that I really am interested in, and even then, I can wait for the DVD. And that’s if you take away the sticky floors, $15 tickets, uncomfortable seats, waiting in line, trying to find a decent seat, not sitting next to someone who won’t shut up for the entire movie, or watching the twenty plus minutes of previews (I’m not exaggerating; we could have been a half hour late and still could have waited through another ten minutes of previews.) and all the commercials which now permeate the theaters because they need more income became no one really seems to want 3D movies. (Good one, Conan.)

Recently, two movies, “Haywire” and “Underworld: Awakening”, where showing on the big screen. Neither would get me into a theater seat, but I can’t quite understand why every single review for each movie was the same (B-). They all got “good/decent” reviews because that particular movie would resonate with some group of movie goers. It was almost like the people reviewing the movies were going out of their way to not offend the filmmakers, and just spit out the generic, “racy/exiting/on-the-edge-of-your-seat/sexy/smart/you’ll-be-guessing-until-the-end” type of review.

“Underworld” basically got the “no plot; all action, but that’s all you fan boys care about,” review and garnered a B-. It made $25 million. “Haywire” got the “’Bourne Identity’ rip-off, but if you love watching a girl beat up a bunch of guys, you’ll love this one,” review and also got a B-. It made $9 million. I know that there are niche markets for everything. We live in such a digital/electronic/futuristic Philip K Dick world that there are niche markets inside niche markets. There are Sub-cultures of sub-cultures. But for the love of the days when James Cameron made movies worth sitting through, give me a break.

No wonder I can’t stand going to the movies.

I was reading an online discussion and they were arguing about how movies will not make $300 million theatrically anymore; that those kinds of films don’t exist today. Someone brought up “Twilight” and “Transformers” to counter this statement and, of course, was quickly dismissed and ridiculed because those movies “suck.” One person pointed out that there should be a better quality of movie out there, like “The Matrix”. Good call.

Movies like “Twilight”, “Transformers”, “Harry Potter”, “Star Wars”, “Batman”, “Spider-man” or any franchise make the big money because of they have a built-in audience. And that’s fine with me. Years ago the franchise existed solely on video. Direct to the video store with countless sequels. How many “Warlock”, “Universal Solider “, “Behind Enemy Lines” or “Scorpion King” movies did they come out with? I don’t know and I don’t even care. Do we really need a “Tron” sequel 28 years after the fact? Yes, if it will make money. And that money will finance higher quality movies no one will see. Today the franchise is where the money’s at.

The theater exists today only to make the big dollars, because that’s where the fan boys will spend the money; they will see the movie countless times in the theater. But, we also have home theaters that literally can rival the theater with the expectation of the size of the screen. I don’t need to wade through the muck of the dirty theater to see a movie anymore. I can just wait three month and it’s on Blu-ray or streaming online, and if I need more popcorn from the kitchen, I can push “pause.” And I won’t miss the beginning of the movie because I drove around for an hour because I couldn’t find a parking spot.

It’s not even about the quality of film anymore; it’s about convenience. So if the studios want to make the big easy moneymaker movies, let them. That will give them the cash to make the movie I want to watch in the comfort, peace and quiet of my living room with my nice home entertainment system at my leisure.